Sadly, there are so many families that have experienced the loss of a child either through miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS, or other child loss. After I joined this sad community, I quickly picked up on the terms and lingo. The most common way for parents to refer to the baby they lost was to call them an angel, angel baby, guardian angel, etc. I saw it scattered in Instagram bios and captions, t-shirts, tattoos, memorabilia. At first, I thought it was cute. The idea of my son being my guardian angel was a sweet image.
But it didn’t take long for me to start to feel uncomfortable with the terminology. It took me some deep thought to pinpoint exactly why I didn’t like it. Now that I’ve sifted through the emotions that made me question the ideology, I’m firm in my stance that I do not want my son referred to as an angel.
First of all, he’s not an angel
When we die, humans don’t become angels. I understand that not everyone who uses this terminology is a Christian and just uses it as a term of endearment. But as a Christian, I feel like it just promotes bad theology.
This isn’t even the only way it’s biblically incorrect. Scripture actually suggests that we have MORE value than angels. So it’s almost like an insult or a demotion.
As humans we are created in God’s image (Genesis 1:26, 27). God predestined believers to be conformed to his image and be his children (Romans 8:29). 1 Corinthians 6:3 actually says that believers will eventually judge angels.
“Do you not know that we are to judge angels – to say nothing of ordinary matters” – 1 Corinthians 6:3.
None of this is to say that angels are not highly valuable or important in the Kingdom of God. But humans and angels have different characteristics and roles.
My theological issues with the terminology are not my only qualms with this topic.
I think that society has adopted this more gentle way of referring to heavenly children because it’s more palatable to say “angel” than it is to say “dead baby.”
People are uncomfortable with grief and uncomfortable with the harsh reality of others putting their child in the ground.
And I get it. Before my son died, grief made me uncomfortable too. I never knew what to do or say. But now I wonder if I was so uncomfortable with sorrow because no one talked about it.
To me, softening the heartbreaking reality of my grief feels dismissive of the pain I’m feeling. It feels fake and disingenuous. I much prefer honesty and vulnerability.
I’m more concerned with properly honoring my son’s memory than I am with making what happened to him more gentle and palatable. I don’t want to dehumanize him.
I want to make it clear that I can see why loss families refer to their missing children as angels or guardian angels. Like I said, I initially loved the sweet image. I am in no way insinuating that if you use these terms you are not properly honoring your child. But for me and my son, it doesn’t feel right.
This is an unfortunate stance to take in this community because angel has been so widely adopted as the norm. Almost all memorabilia has some angel symbol on it. It’s nice to have a cute way to refer to your child, and there’s not a super obvious alternative symbol.
Alternatives
If you’re looking for an alternative name to angel, I have heard other moms use Heaven Baby, which I love. Most of the time I just use my son’s name. I love hearing it! But we also call him Bigfoot or our Beach Boy. He had the biggest feet when he was born and the beach is significant to him. If there’s a nickname or symbol that makes you think of him or her then I love the personalized touch of that.
If you have other suggestions I would love to hear them! I’d also love to know your thoughts on the angel term. Am I alone in my disdain for “Angel?” Comment below or send me an email!
