I remember laying in the hospital bed when my son died, feeling like I was the only one in the world who has ever experienced something so heartbreaking. I never considered the possibility that I wouldn’t get to take him home from the hospital. It had never crossed my mind. This had never happened to anyone I know. Everyone around me was having perfectly healthy babies, outside of a few miscarriages. Honestly, I felt like a freak and a failure. Still do sometimes. Why couldn’t I get it right? What did I do wrong compared to everyone else? I felt so alone.
One of the most intense emotions of Baby loss is the overwhelming loneliness.
The vast majority of people around us have healthy babies and don’t know what it’s like to lose one. Most people haven’t experienced this level of deep grief. Friends are now unsure of how to lovingly talk to us so they just don’t talk to us at all. The few friends who do stay in the depths of the grief with us typically don’t know exactly what we’re experiencing even if they try their best to understand.
It can be challenging to find the support and understanding that you need during such a difficult time. However, connecting with other families who have also experienced the loss of a baby can help you feel less alone and provide you with the support and empathy that you need.
I remember the first time I spoke with a mom who also lost her full term baby in a preventable death. I felt so seen! Though our experiences and trauma were still different, it helped me to know that she knew exactly how broken I was. Her loss was years ago so she was able to provide insight into the journey of grief I was just beginning.
If you haven’t already, I really encourage you to try and connect with people who can validate your emotions and experiences. The comradery can be so helpful and you just may find lifelong friends in the process.
Here are some ways you can connect with other families who have lost a baby to feel a sense of community.
1. Join a support group
There are many support groups available that specifically cater to parents who have lost a baby. These groups can provide you with a safe and supportive environment to share your thoughts and feelings with others who have gone through similar experiences. Support groups can also provide you with access to resources and information that can help you cope with your loss. Try a google search for a local organization or look on Facebook.
2. Attend local events
Many organizations and non-profits that support families who have lost a baby organize events and activities in local communities. These events can include walks, runs, or other fundraisers that provide an opportunity to connect with other families who have gone through similar experiences. These events are an excellent way to meet others who can provide emotional support and help you feel less alone. You can find them on social media, Google, word of mouth, or a community newsletter or magazine. If there are none local, you can participate in some virtually or start one for families in your area.
3. Online communities
The internet has made it easier to connect with others who are going through similar experiences. There are many online communities and forums available that cater to parents who have lost a baby. These online communities provide a safe and anonymous space to share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences with others who understand what you are going through. I have enjoyed following other loss moms on instagram and remembering their babies with them. Facebook has many groups dedicated to baby loss. Another favorite of mine has been through The Joyful Morning. They have a podcast, online community, and many other resources.
4. Volunteer with organizations
Many organizations that support families who have lost a baby rely on volunteers to help with events and activities. Volunteering can be an excellent way to connect with other families while also giving back to the community. Volunteering can provide a sense of purpose and fulfillment, and it can help you develop new relationships and connections.
5. Connect with other parents through your hospital or healthcare provider
Your hospital or healthcare provider may have resources available that can help you connect with other families who have lost a baby. They may be able to connect you with support groups, local events, or other resources that can help you feel less alone. You can also ask your healthcare provider if they know of any other parents who have experienced a similar loss and who may be interested in connecting with you.
It’s very natural to just shell up and withdrawal for a time after a loss. That is expected and encouraged! But eventually, you may feel like seeking support. Putting yourself out there when you’re feeling so broken and vulnerable can be SO challenging. When you’re ready, it really is worth it though. Remember that most people who volunteer with an organization or join an online support group will be extremely sympathetic towards your situation. The vulnerability and care I have experienced from the baby loss community has touched my heart. I pray that you are able to find a community to remind you that you are not alone in this walk.
Thanks for reading!
