A stillborn delivery is a devastating experience for any parent. It is a tragedy that no one can prepare for, and it is one that can leave a parent feeling an array of emotions. When a child is stillborn, the parents may experience feelings of guilt, even though it is not their fault.
The feeling of guilt after a stillbirth is a common experience for many mothers. They may feel that they did something wrong or that they failed their child in some way. I’ve heard so many mothers say, “If only I had gone to the hospital sooner.” “What if I advocated for him more?” “If only I had trusted my gut.” “If only I had taken my prenatal.”
These feelings are understandable, but it is crucial to remember that the cause of stillbirth is often beyond our control.
It’s not exactly the most comforting thing to know that there was nothing we could do. We want to be able to protect our child from any thing that could ever go wrong. However, when you’re dealing with guilt and blaming yourself or others for the things that went wrong, it’s essential to recognize that you did all that you had the capacity to do in that moment. Of course, hindsight is 20/20 and we can drive ourselves mad thinking through all the what ifs. But the fact of the matter is, none of us know what the results of any of the what ifs would have been.
Another key point to understand is that just because you feel guilty does not mean you are guilty.
The guilt is a natural response to the loss of a child and does not reflect on your character or actions. It reflects the immense love and protective instinct you feel for her baby. You did all you could to bring her child into the world, and sometimes, despite the best efforts, the outcome is beyond our control.
Forgiveness is key to healing after the loss of a child. It is essential to forgive oneself and others involved in the loss. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting or condoning what happened. It means letting go of anger and resentment, and acknowledging that everyone did the best they could with the knowledge and resources available to them. It means allowing yourself to grieve and accepting that healing is a process that takes time.
Check out this post for tips on how to forgive your body after pregnancy loss.
I don’t tell you to forgive as someone who hasn’t struggled with the anger and resentment myself. I have painful anger and confusion about the circumstances surrounding my son’s extremely preventable death. I have anger towards others and plenty of guilt towards myself. But I have slowly realized that nothing good or productive has come from harboring bitterness about what happened. I know it’s not easy, but I believe it’s what we are called to do and will bring far more healing than vengeance ever could.
Talking to a therapist or a support group can help people deal with the guilt and other emotions that come with the loss of a child. A therapist can help process the feelings of guilt and help you understand that it is a natural part of the grieving process. They can also help you develop coping mechanisms and strategies to deal with the guilt and other emotions that may arise.
In conclusion, the loss of a child is a devastating experience that can leave you with feelings of guilt, even though it is not your fault. It is important to understand that just because you feel guilty does not mean you are guilty. You did all that you had the capacity to do, and sometimes, despite the best efforts, the outcome is beyond your control. Forgiveness is key to healing after the loss of a child.
It is important to forgive yourself and others involved in the loss and understand that healing is a process that takes time. Seeking support from a therapist or support group can help deal with the guilt and other emotions that come with the loss of a child.
Thanks for being here 🙂
