With Mother’s Day just around the corner, the mass emails from company promotions and sales have begun. My entire inbox is full of ads celebrating motherhood. These innocent, well-meaning emails come every year, and I never thought much about them until this year.
For the last few months I have dreaded the approach of Mother’s Day. Not because I don’t love and appreciate my mom or the moms in my life, but because this was supposed to be my first Mother’s Day with my first child. He was born in August, but his heart stopped beating moments before delivery, and they never revived him. Every mention of Mother’s Day is a reminder of how different this year should be for me.
This year, some companies have made a change in their Mother’s Day marketing.
There is now a subtle opt out button for Mother’s Day (and Father’s Day for some) promotion and sale emails.
“We know that Mother’s and Father’s Day can be a sensitive time for some. If you’d like to opt out of our emails and push notifications for these holidays please click the tap below. Don’t worry, you’ll still receive all our other emails.” – from Fry’s
“We understand that Mother’s Day can be a difficult time for some. Click the button below if you’d prefer to be removed from additional emails and push notifications this year.” – from DoorDash
I first saw one of these emails in a baby loss group I’m a part of. Someone posted it saying, “I wish more companies would recognize how hard Mother’s Day is for some.”
My original thought was, “Oh it’s nice to be validated in my grief!” I thought it was a very nice sentiment, but realistically, I didn’t really expect it to become standard practice. The reality is, Mother’s Day is a happy time for most, so I wouldn’t expect the minority to get much recognition. I don’t expect everyone to be sensitive to people like me when they have not experienced such a tragedy, but I was grateful that at least one company acknowledged it.
I also thought of other people who might like to opt out of receiving Mother’s Day content – those who recently lost their beloved mother, who are estranged from their mother, or who are infertile or suffered a miscarriage. I suppose there are all sorts of people who may appreciate the option to sit Mother’s Day out this year.
One thing I was not expecting when I saw the Mother’s Day opt out was public outrage.
Lila Rose, a public figure on twitter shared this:
Some of the replies affirm her outrage by saying things like, “We have to put trigger warnings on everything for these snowflakes.” “I’ll add these companies to the list I won’t be shopping at.” “They hate women.”
I was totally shocked reading these comments. I honestly couldn’t understand the outrage at this subtle, OPTIONAL choice. It was clear to me that the author of the original tweet and the encouraging replies have not personally suffered a difficult journey to motherhood.
To be fair, before my son died, I might have thought these opt outs were a little odd, but I still wouldn’t have made fun of the people struggling with Mother’s Day! Anyone who has suffered miscarriages, stillbirth, infertility, or a life-limiting diagnosis knows how painful this holiday can be. If you recently lost your mother or have a complicated relationship with her, then you too know that it can be hard to feel celebratory.
It seems really emotionally immature and selfish to see these opt outs as an “attack on motherhood.” If Mother’s Day is happy and easy for you, that’s wonderful! Consider yourself blessed and don’t opt out of the emails. It’s not an attack on Mother’s Day just because some people don’t celebrate it this year.
These opt outs are so subtle. They aren’t saying that Mother’s Day doesn’t deserve to be celebrated. They aren’t “apologizing for celebrating Mother’s Day.” They are quietly acknowledging the grief and pain that is tied to this holiday for some people.
I appreciate motherhood as much as anyone else. I love and respect my own mother profoundly! Being a mom has been my life long dream since before I can remember. But this type of motherhood — one where I picked out a headstone instead of a going home outfit — is not how I pictured my life going, and I’m mourning that still. So if I have the choice to opt out of a few emails that will derail my day and make me break down in tears, then I’m going to opt out. And I will not be “hating” motherhood in the process.
One critique
One critique I will give about these opt outs is that it’s kind of odd that they are only for Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. I suppose that’s because these are very personally related to subjects that can be triggering for some. But there are no buttons to opt out of other holiday promotions like Halloween, Pride month, Ramadan, Easter, etc. Plenty of people don’t celebrate certain holidays, but they don’t have the choice to opt out of those emails.
I know that adding opt outs to every holiday or promotion is highly unrealistic and ultimately helpful. Where does it end? But I do appreciate the recognition that some of these companies have given to people like me who will spend Mother’s Day in bed crying.
If you are looking forward to Mother’s Day this year, I hope you have a beautiful day! If you are struggling this year, I hope that you feel seen and loved this Mother’s Day.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this! Do you like the opt outs? Do you think they are an attack on motherhood? Where do you stand? Let me know in the comments below!
Thanks for reading!
