Celebrating holidays after baby loss is so hard. Days like Easter, where I watch children run around hunting for eggs make my son’s absence feel greater. But we truly have so much to be grateful for when we think about how Easter is the whole reason we will be reunited with our babies one day.
Easter has always been one of my favorite holidays. It’s a holiday where we celebrate new life with Christ and celebrate the immense sacrifice made for us personally. Now that my son died, I have a WHOLE new appreciation and perspective for Easter.
A Mother’s Heart
First, my perspective has shifted around how I think about Mary, Jesus’ mother. She watched her first born son be murdered on that cross for no good reason. As she grieved I wonder if she thought back to the words of Gabriel where he called her “highly favored” (Luke 1:28).
Surely, if she was actually highly favored, then she wouldn’t have to watch her son unjustly killed, right? If she had the Lord’s high favor then it would be unthinkable that he would ask her to endure the most painful experience possible – losing a child. Clearly God’s idea of favor and goodness is very different from my own.
Tears come to my eyes every time I think about the joy she must have felt after his resurrection. More than the amazement and shock that other onlookers felt, part of her heart resurrected with her fully God, but fully man son. Three days in, her grief would be so fresh. The immense JOY she felt must have been overwhelming at their reunion.
Then I think of the Father himself.
“Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, ‘My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.’” Matthew 26:39
“And about the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” that is, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” Matthew 27:46
What pain must God have felt when His only son pleaded with him to change the plan? What pain must he have felt hearing Jesus’ anguish and despair?
This gives me a whole new perspective for my own suffering. What pain must God have felt when I prayed on that operating table for Him to save Josiah when He knew that wasn’t His plan?
What pain must the loving Father feel when your heart breaks? He is truly weeping with you.
The Resurrection
When my brother visited the hospital and held Josiah, he told me, “When I prayed and asked God to resurrect Josiah, He told me, ‘I already did.’”
This Easter I am in awe of the loving Father who chose to sacrifice his only Son for mine. Because Jesus conquered death, our babies have been resurrected and we will be reunited in heaven. Something I dream about everyday!
Happy Good Friday! GOOD, not because the suffering was just or easy, but because of the glory of God it revealed and the living hope it has provided for anyone who believes. I can’t help but sing his praises!
What do you think the Easter celebration is like in heaven? Let me know in the comments! Surely it’s a grand celebration. Do our babies do an Easter egg hunt? These are the questions I spend my days wondering. It is truly a gift for your heart to live in heaven.
Be sure to check out this post for 12 suggestions to include your baby in the Easter festivities.
