Pregnancy loss is a devastating experience for any woman. It can leave one feeling empty, lost, and wondering if their body has failed them. In this difficult time, it is important to remember that healing takes time, and that forgiveness is a crucial step towards moving forward.
When your child’s heart stops beating inside of you, there is a special pain that comes with that. It can make it feel like your body failed.
I remember reading birth affirmations before going into labor with my son. “Your body was made to do this.” “You and your baby are a team.”
When he died after 45 hours of labor, I felt lied to by the birthing community. It seemed like my body had no idea what it was doing as I labored. I pushed for three hours and it didn’t seem like my son and I were on the same team – It felt like we were playing different sports!
It’s left me wondering, what’s wrong with my body? Why do other women’s bodies know what to do and mine didn’t? Will my body just do the same thing if I ever try again?
I still have a lot to work through in regards to healing emotionally, but I’ve found some things to help encourage rebuilding trust and connection with my body.
Here are some steps to help you forgive your body and heal after experiencing pregnancy loss.
1. Give yourself permission to grieve
Pregnancy loss can leave one feeling heartbroken, and it is important to allow yourself time to grieve. It doesn’t matter if it was early or if you have other living children or if it could have been worse. You experienced loss. Your baby deserves to be grieved, and you deserve to feel whatever you’re feeling. Take the time to process your emotions and do not rush through the healing process. Take things one day at a time, and don’t be too hard on yourself if you need to take some time to cry, journal or talk with someone you trust.
2. Seek support
Talking with a loved one, friend or support group can provide a space to express your feelings and receive support. You may find that talking with others who have experienced pregnancy loss helps you feel less alone and more understood. There are so many Facebook groups and Instagram pages dedicated to this community.
3. Care for your mind and body
After pregnancy loss, it is important to take care of yourself physically and emotionally. Exercise, meditation, and doing things you enjoy are all great ways to promote healing. Create a morning routine that encourages you to get out of bed and a bedtime routine that helps you get quality sleep. It can be really easy to neglect your physical needs during this time, but even simple things like applying lotion or lighting a candle can really help. Remember, taking care of yourself is not selfish, but necessary for healing.
4. Journal and write
Writing a letter to your body can be a powerful tool to help forgive and heal. I really find it helpful to process what I’m feeling and put words to my emotions. It helps me feel more in tune and in control with my heart. You can express your feelings of anger or frustration towards your body, but also acknowledge the strength and resilience it has shown throughout your pregnancy journey.
5. Create a ritual
Creating a ritual, such as planting a tree, lighting a candle or writing a poem, can provide a space for honoring your baby and beginning the process of letting go. This can be a meaningful way to find closure and move forward.
6. Seek professional support
If you find that you are struggling to forgive your body and move forward after pregnancy loss, seeking professional support from a therapist or counselor may be helpful. They can provide you with tools and support to help you heal and move forward.
It’s okay to feel whatever emotions you are feeling. Remember that grief is anything but linear so give yourself permission to cycle through all the emotions multiple times. You may feel anger, disappointment, betrayal, guilt, anxiety, or despair. Those are normal feelings. But know that just because you feel something, doesn’t make it true. Just because you feel like your body failed you, doesn’t mean that it did. Just because you feel guilt about losing your child, doesn’t mean you are guilty. Whatever you are feeling today, it doesn’t mean you’ll feel this way forever.
Continually remind yourself your baby appreciated the warmth and love that they felt while they were in your womb. They loved the comforting beat of your heart and the nourishment you provided.
Remember, healing takes time, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Be patient with yourself and know that it is okay to feel a range of emotions. By taking care of your body, seeking support and allowing yourself time to grieve, you can begin to forgive your body and find the strength to move forward after pregnancy loss.
Be sure to check out my other resources for pregnancy loss here.
Thanks for reading! I hope you found value.
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