My 5 Random Grief Triggers That Were Totally Unexpected

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Losing a loved one is an indescribable pain, and the process of coping with the loss can be a challenging and complex journey. Grief can manifest in many ways, and some triggers may seem completely random or unexpected.

When my baby died, I quickly learned how unpredictable grief is. Some things that triggered me were fairly obvious, like the sound of a crying baby or the sight of his crib. But I had several triggers that were less expected, and that honestly made them hurt more. “Am I really crying about this?” I feel crazy sometimes.

So I wanted to share some of my very random grief triggers in the hopes of making people feel less alone if grief also makes them feel crazy. I also want to provide a glimpse into the mind of a griever for those who may not understand why their grieving friend seems unstable.

Here are 5 of my extremely random sites, sounds, or situations that make me think of my son and twist the knife in my broken heart.

1. Putting on a bra

Crazy, right? I bought so many nursing bras throughout my pregnancy. I got rid of so many of my non-mom bras. I still wear some of the nursing bras, and every time I think of the sweet baby I should be nursing.

2. Losing the “baby weight”

As the months wore on and my body began to slowly return to pre-pregnancy weight and look, I completely freaked out for like a month. I honestly didn’t want to lose weight. I didn’t mind looking like I just had a baby because I DID. My postpartum body was some of the only proof I had that I had a baby. This was a totally unexpected trigger because I thought I would be happy and grateful that my body was recovering well and hopefully rebuilding for another pregnancy in the future.

3. Silence

The silence was DEAFENING. Our home was supposed to be filled with baby cries and coos. Even when I wanted to be left alone, I couldn’t stand silence. I needed something making noise in the background even if I was paying no attention to it. This has gotten better as the months have gone on, but I still find myself starting to have a mini panic attack at times where I am sitting in the silence of my home.

4. Ungratefulness and complaining

This one may seem obvious in certain circumstances. I expected to be triggered if someone complained about having to lose sleep for their newborn or if they seemed flippant about the blessing of children. However, I didn’t expect for general ungratefulness to trigger me like it does. Sometimes I find myself thinking, “Really? How bad can it be? YOUR kid didn’t die.” I hate this response. I know that it’s unreasonable and ungracious, but I still get really triggered sometimes when people don’t have my perspective.

5. Singing

I could not bring myself to open my mouth to sing for MONTHS – especially in church, but also in general. It just felt wrong. And when I felt pressure to sing in church when I just couldn’t, I would automatically start crying. The only music I would listen to is the playlist of songs I made for my son. All other music seemed so out of place and uncomfortable. I used to love music, but now, even 8 months post-loss it sometimes feels odd. Totally didn’t expect that.

Check out my top 15 songs for baby loss here 🙂

So there they are – my random grief triggers that I never expected.

Am I alone? Do you have very random things that make you break down like a lunatic too? Let me know in the comments below so I feel less crazy!

Thanks for reading!

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