Have you ever met someone who has had a rough life who seems oddly joyful? Someone who is positive and happy despite the deep grief they’ve experienced?
What about someone who experienced hardship and is now bitter and cold? Who’s natural inclination is to be cynical and withdrawn?
We all can probably think of people who fit these molds. Greif is an emotion that we all experience at some point in our lives. Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, a job, a relationship, or a dream, grief can be a challenging and painful process. However, grief can be transformative in two ways – It can either harden our hearts or soften them to make us more compassionate. The choice really is ours.
A Hardened Heart
Grief can harden our hearts if we allow it to consume us with bitterness, anger, and resentment. We may become so focused on our pain and loss that we push others away and isolate ourselves. We may blame others for our circumstances, refuse to forgive those who have hurt us, and become bitter towards God. In doing so, we close ourselves off from love, joy, and peace, and we risk becoming bitter and cynical.
The trouble with bitterness is that it can be seemingly easy to justify because it typically stems from a real hurt. Maybe that friend said something truly rude or God didn’t answer our prayer in the way we thought he should. Those are real hurts and valid feelings. But bitterness takes the pain to a whole new level by allowing it to consume our mind and all our thoughts towards the person or thing that has offended us. Being offended isn’t sinful. Bitterness is sinful.
Broken hearts are so vulnerable. It can be tempting to harden our hearts towards God when we feel disappointed and forsaken. What’s the point of praying? What’s the point of seeking righteousness? This world is evil and bad things are happening everywhere. Where is God?
I know this temptation well. I gave in to the lies of the enemy for a long time. I couldn’t open my Bible or pray or sing praise for months. It all seemed meaningless. Bitterness amplified my grief and any offenses I felt from God or friends and family.
What Scripture Tells Us
The Bible warns us against allowing grief to harden our hearts. In Ephesians 4:31-32, Paul writes, “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” These verses encourage us to put away bitterness and anger and instead show kindness, tenderness, and forgiveness towards others.
A Softened Heart
In contrast, grief can also soften our hearts if we allow it to. When we experience loss, we become more aware of the fragility of life and the importance of relationships. We may become more empathetic towards others who are struggling, and we may feel a greater sense of gratitude for the blessings in our lives. In doing so, we open ourselves up to love, joy, and peace, and we become more compassionate towards others.
Eventually, I was convicted about my heart. The Pastor of my church said in a sermon, “Complaining about God is always a sin, but complaining to God is faith.” I knew that I was wrong. I knew that God was still there, waiting for me to turn to him, but I was too angry and stubborn to bring that pain to him. Once I did, He showed me that my grief can actually make me more aware of him, more pliable in his hands, more sensitive to his spirit, and more connected to his divine purpose.
What Scripture Tells Us
The Bible teaches us about the importance of having a compassionate heart. In Colossians 3:12-13, Paul writes, “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” These verses remind us to clothe ourselves with compassion and kindness, to bear with others, and to forgive one another.
In addition, Jesus himself is the ultimate example of compassion. Throughout the Gospels, we see Jesus demonstrating compassion towards those who are suffering, the sick, the outcast, and the broken-hearted. Despite being passionately hated and murdered, he never let bitterness thwart his love. Jesus grieved his task of dying a human death. Remember, He even pleaded with his Father to change his plan, by asking for this cup to pass from him (Matthew 26:39). But when he ultimately submitted to His Father’s will, he still showed compassion for the people murdering him. “Then Jesus said, ‘Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing. ‘” (Luke 23:34). Even in great pain, Jesus showed us what it means to have a compassionate heart, and we can follow his example in our own lives.
In conclusion,
I know it’s not easy. Pain turns to bitterness so easily. It takes no effort or consciousness on our part. In contrast, choosing joy takes so much effort! It doesn’t come naturally at all, but we are called to deny our flesh daily. Our flesh desires bitterness. It ‘s easy. However, we are called to consider our suffering joy (James 1:2-3). I’ve personally seen and felt the benefit to fighting my flesh and choosing joy, but it’s a daily battle.
Grief can either harden our hearts or make us more compassionate, depending on how we handle it. If we allow bitterness, anger, and resentment to consume us, we risk becoming hard-hearted and closed off from love and joy. However, if we allow grief to soften our hearts, we can become more aware of the fragility of life, the importance of relationships, and the blessings in our lives. We can show compassion, kindness, and forgiveness towards others, and in doing so, we can find healing and comfort in our own grief.
Be sure to check out this post for the best scriptures for grief.
